[We need to practice forgiveness because] the inability or refusal to forgive has become one of the great destructive elements in the modern world, both for individuals and communities. We hold grudges. We seek revenge. We cultivate victimhood as an identity. We let the past rule the present and future. We find ourselves trapped in anger, resentment, spite, dread, and hostility—emotions that poison both our own lives and our relationships with others.
This Sunday's gospel from Matthew is the one about how many times to forgive someone who's wronged you. In a world that is focused more on keeping score than maintaining healthy relationships, Jesus quickly tells Peter that God's forgiveness and mercy is limitless...and this is the model for us.
The Rabbinic teaching of the time was that you could forgive someone a wrong doing up to three times. So Peter thinks he's being pretty generous by suggesting that we should forgive each other 7 times. But Jesus challenges Peter by suggesting that we forgive each other 77 times. I don't think Jesus is suggesting that we run around with a notepad, keeping track of how many times we forgive each other. I think that really he's pointing to the fact that forgiveness should be limitless. And when we take this teaching along with the other teachings on forgiveness by Jesus, then we realize that Jesus isn't talking just about the action of forgiveness, but about the change of heart that comes along with it.
Let's take a moment to look at forgiveness in our prayers. In the Lord's Prayer, we pray that we may forgive those who have trespassed against us, as we have been forgiven. Our prayer reminds us that we have already been forgiven by God, so why are we withholding forgiveness from someone else? And in our prayer of confession, we confess that we have sinned against God by what we have done, and by what we have left undone...not loving our neighbors as ourselves. If what we have left undone is that unresolved reconciliation, we seek absolution to be forgiven ourselves, and strenthened to forgive our neighbor.
The Greek word for forgiveness means "to let go". Forgiveness releases us from the past, so that we can be forward looking to the future. It opens up the possibilities of relationships where we can share God's unlimited love and forgiveness with each other. During Lent, our Adult Education class spent weeks studying the idea of forgiveness. What we discovered is:
--It is a spiritual practice, not a demand.
--It means adopting God’s viewpoint—that we are ALL God’s beloved children.
--It means acknowledging that forgiveness is a form of healing.
--It means believing that God’s love is limitless; God forgives all of us.
--It means understanding that we are taking part in God’s work of healing and restoring humanity.**
But what about that old addage "forgive and forget"? Sometimes when we've been wronged, or have wronged others, it's the "forgetting" part that trips us up. I'm not sure that we're asked to forget. It is in remembering that we learn life's lessons about how to treat one another. But remembering isn't about holding grudges. Our Eucharistic prayer reminds us of our creation and sin, but also teaches us that this is part of why we come together to celebrate this meal...to be forgiven, healed and renewed.
I invite you to consider those things "done and left undone" that require forgiveness. Have you experienced God's unlimited love and forgiveness? Are you ready to share it with someone else?
**This list is adapted from Bill Countryman's book previously mentioned.